Floater

Last week I engaged in Floatation Therapy.  I was given a gift certificate to become a "floater" by friends who had enjoyed the experience.  When I opened the envelope containing the certificate I paused to contemplate the ramifications of this generous gift.  The first image that came to mind was William Hurt in the 1980 movie Altered States, who plays a brilliant Harvard scientist who experiments with hallucinogenics and floatation tanks in order to discover the primal mojo that exists within all of us (why else?) and we know what happens when Harvard PHDs play around with mind altering drugs and saline solution - bad science.  The trailer of this horror movie (now a comedy - if you can sit through it) is well worth viewing on You Tube.  I wasn't particularly concerned with losing my mind and running from the spa naked as some sort of paleo mutant, knocking over jars of organic eucalyptus oils, and lumbering down Main Street New Paltz.  Besides, in this town, no one would take notice.

No, my concern had to do more with personal hygiene.  Would it be possible to contract Hepatitis (A,B,C or D), MRSA, Herpes (pick a simplex), Meningitis, Pink Eye or a UTI?  Can sarcoptes scabiei float on salt water?  I was comforted by the fact that the spa had only been opened for a few months, so I would be one of the first to bob.

I took the plunge.

I was pleasantly surprised by the experience.  The facility was clean and the owners were friendly and accommodating, but not effusive. My float lasted an hour, but it could have been ten minutes or four hours, because once you are in the saline there is little concept of time.  There is a strict protocol for entering the pool which measures about 8' x 5'.  There are two switches imbedded in the rim of the tub: one is for music, the other is a light switch. There is a shower in the same room and you must use it for at least five minutes before entering the tank.  There is a bench with towels and you are given a pair of Mac's ear plugs, which are the finest as plugs go, to seal your aural canal, so no salt water can enter ( I didn't have to worry about meningitis).  The suite is private and yours for the duration of the experience.  You may select music in advance or you can listen to boiler plate spa shakuhachi music.  I chose the latter.  After showering and inserting my plugs I entered the tank and immediately bobbed to the surface like a cork.  This buoyancy is due to the 800 pounds of epsom salts that have been added to the water.  You are literally resting on top of the water, so when you bump up against the side of the basin and push yourself away you speed across to the other side.  I found this disconcerting but I learned quickly to make subtle adjustments to keep myself more or less off the rails.  All it took was a slight tap of the toe to move me back to center.  Any more than that and I was ricocheting off the walls.
I didn't realize how much tension I was holding in my neck and upper back until I entered the tub.  After ten minutes of contorting my spine accompanied by a series of clicks, pops and grunts I was able to work out the kinks and allowed myself to be supported by the water.  Once I did this I experienced a feeling of weightlessness.  Since I will likely not be able to afford a zero gravity flight in a Space X aircraft any time soon this is a cost effective alternative.  Any soft tissue tension I felt was easily eliminated by acknowledging the specific site or by contracting a certain muscle.
I fell asleep briefly on three separate occasions but I was awakened by my own snoring.  This is why I don't sleep on my back, but in the tank you can't help being supine.  Instead I focused on breathing and surrendered completely to the darkness, the music and the water's embrace.  I didn't enter an altered state of consciousness but I did experience profound relaxation.
After I showered again and sat sipping green tea in the "recovery room" I perused some floating literature.  Among other health benefits mentioned floaters experience a deep theta brain wave state that is equivalent to four hours of restful sleep and when the lights came on after my hour in the tank I felt rested, tension free and I was no longer grumpy.  I will definitely float again.


If you have seen Altered States you will not be surprised to know that I have been checking my forearms for lumpy painful masses every so often just to make sure that my muscles and bones aren't morphing into those of a paleolithic beast.

If that happens I will contact Crossfit head quarters immediately.